Abooali’s Blog

Snapshots of My Life

Posted in Snapshots of My Life by abooali on November 30, 2008


Arabic version here النسخة العربية هنا https://hassanradwan.weebly.com/

This is my story. I wrote it as a cathartic exercise as well as to try and help me make sense of my life. To understand why I traveled the paths I did and came to the conclusions I have. I hope it may also interest and inform others. I have focused on the early & latter years. I have not used real names except in a very few cases.

Each chapter can be accessed by clicking the links on the right. Some are not in order so please start with Chapter 1 then move in sequence to 2, 3 and so on…


My father was Egyptian and my mother English and I have 8 brothers and sisters. I was born Muslim but didn’t start practicing until I was twenty when I became very devout and committed. For the next twenty eight years Islam guided every aspect of my life. I completed a BA in Arabic and Islamic Studies at the School of Oriental and African Studies where I became President of the Islamic Society. After leaving university I became Amir of a Da’wah group in North London and edited an Islamic magazine called ‘The Clarion’. I wrote four books for Muslim children and spent fifteen years as a teacher at Islamia School, the one founded by Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens). But shortly before my 48th birthday I knew I no longer believed in Islam. If you had told me a few years ago that such a thing would happen to me, I would never have believed it and added that no ‘true’ Muslim would ever reject Islam after having tasted the sweetness of Iman (faith). No one who has immersed himself in the beauty of the Qur’an and appreciated its wisdom could ever deny that it is the word of God. If anyone had claimed such a thing I would have instinctively doubted him and been suspicious of his motives. But it is amazing how perceptions can change and things I once thought unimaginable now seem perfectly reasonable. Of course this change didn’t happen over night. It began a few years ago when I started to question the beliefs I had for so long taken for granted and started to look at Islam in a new light.

Little by little doubts began creeping in. At first I tried to suppress them and reacted to criticism of Islam with denial, anger and blame. I denied there was anything wrong, felt hyper-sensitive to criticism and blamed the West for provoking and creating problems. When I did eventually accept that Muslims had to take responsibility for the problems we faced, I still couldn’t accept that Islam itself was to blame. It was the way Islam was being interpreted that was the problem. I started arguing for a reinterpretation and reform of traditional views, but instead of easing my conscience, this only highlighted the futility and dishonesty of such views. Finally I tried to tell myself that although my rational mind found it difficult to believe certain things in Islam, there must be explanations beyond my capacity to understand and that ‘God knows best’. The safest and wisest option was to “Hold fast to the rope of Allah”. I reckoned I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by remaining a believer and so I went through the motions of being a ‘good’ Muslim, in the hope that my faith would return. But this pretence only made me depressed and lose all motivation. The problem is that one cannot choose to believe. Either one does or not and if there is a God, the last thing he would have wanted me to do was to pretend to believe in something that I didn’t. It was quite a relief when I finally admitted to myself that I no-longer believed in Islam.

However the fact that I no longer believe in Islam doesn’t mean I have suddenly turned into a hater of Islam. I know that Islam brings a great deal of guidance, comfort and worthy values to the lives of millions of people. I know that most Muslims are good and decent people. How could I possibly hate Muslims when my family are Muslims? When I speak to my older children about what I think, I tell them they must find out for themselves what they believe and if they feel happy being Muslims then that is what they should be. I certainly don’t feel the need to pass on my own beliefs concerning God and religion to them – something I felt it was my duty to do when I was a Muslim.

While I do not believe in telling anyone what they should believe, I do think one should have the courage to honestly examine the beliefs that are central to one’s life and guide one’s actions. If one is truly satisfied with them, then they should be fully embraced with one’s heart and mind, but if they do not stand up to close scrutiny, then they should be discarded. Life is too short to allow it to be dictated by beliefs one does not truly believe.


PDF versions (thanks, Aziz):
English: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/docs/hassan/HassansBook-en.pdf
German: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/docs/hassan/HassansBook-de.pdf

86 Responses

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  1. Stat Quo said, on January 7, 2009 at 11:44 am

    To comment on the note, its a well made point, I think no ex Muslim should be linking to websites like jihadchat. We are falsely given an image, that to be a “free thinker” you defaulty have to be anti-Islam, which is competently absurd.

  2. Shaheen Khan said, on January 11, 2009 at 11:24 am


    I too am an ex Muslim, now atheist, and I dislike sites like Faith Freedom and writers like Robert Spencer and Mark Steyn. I’m from Iran now living some else, won’t say where. Actually, I’ve formally converted to Zoroastrianism, which was my country’s faith pre Islam, but thats’ just to distance myself from Islam and show respect to my country’s rich past. I’m thinking of starting my own blog. You can read some of my thoughts on Islam at dawningspeaks.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/princess-a-shocking-expose-of-misogyny-within-saudi-arabia/ – 106k. At this blog, maintained by some Dee Dawning, I’ve also written my opinions and had some lively debates in his pages under the heading of Islam, misogyny and Iran.

    If you have the time or the desire, please tell me what you think of my opinions on Islam, and whether I could make my own blog, which would be both informative and helpful to ex Muslims, without being hateful to Muslims.I’d like to especially connect with both Muslims of a modern mindset, and ex Muslims from an Iranian background.

    I’m honestly looking forward to hearing from you. 🙂

  3. Belladonnasix said, on January 16, 2009 at 5:23 am

    [QUOTE]The problem is that one cannot choose to believe. Either one does or not and if there is a God, the last thing he would have wanted me to do was to pretend to believe in something that I didn’t. It was quite a relief when I finally admitted to myself that I no-longer believed in Islam.

    However the fact that I no longer believe in Islam doesn’t mean I have suddenly turned into a hater of Islam. I know that Islam brings a great deal of guidance, comfort and worthy values to the lives of millions of people. I know that most Muslims are good and decent people. How could I possibly hate Muslims when my family are Muslims? [/QUOTE]

    i never thought i’d hear these words coming from another. it conforts me to know that i am not alone in my way of thinking, and that many share my experiences. thank you for sharing yours.

  4. DeistPaladin said, on January 22, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    I don’t hate the religious people even as I hate religion. This is an important distinction to make. It is their minds that we’re trying to save.

    What I would like to see is the good of religion without the bad. Is there a way we can create the community, fellowship and moral instruction without the bigotry, anti-intellectual attitudes and unfounded superstitions in Islamo-Christianity?

    Your story isn’t unusual and I’ve heard it from so many ex-Christians. Most of the freethinkers in my local atheist club are ex-Christians. That’s why you can’t hate them. A Muslim or a Christian is a fellow freethinker who hasn’t yet deconverted.

  5. blueish said, on April 16, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Hi Abooali. I am glad you have blogged your story; I really enjoyed reading it. But I was wondering if you don’t fear violence or threats from any British Muslim extremists who happen upon your blog. I for one prefer anonymity and would never post my picture on my blog. What makes you so care-free?

  6. abooali said, on April 16, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Hi blueish,

    A life lived in fear is not worth living. Besides, I reckon I am more likely to be knocked down crossing the road than killed by an extremist who took offence to my blog.

    I believe a great deal of the paranoia and scaremongering that goes on about Muslims is just pure nonsense. Of course I know there is always the odd nutter, but then again I could also be stabbed by a mugger while walking down the road. One can’t just hide behind a closed door afraid to go out. The more normal we make it the safer it will be for others in the same boat.

    Best wishes,


  7. Rahul said, on April 20, 2009 at 5:29 am


    Your blog shows a lot of maturity. In my perspective the theologies, social and political positions of all (or perhaps even one) religions cannot obviously be true.

    However the spiritual practices of all religions can definetly be true and effective, since in my view the divine source is transcendental.

    Best Regards

  8. Sepher Shalom said, on June 12, 2009 at 7:52 am

    Hello AbooAli,

    That is a very compelling story you have. Life’s journeys are often beyond explanation.

    As someone who clearly has a LOT of knowledge about Islam and it’s teachings, I just wanted to invite you to participate in the blog at http://www.answeringmuslims.com

    It is a Christian apologetics website run by an ex-Ahmadi Muslim and a former atheist, with recorded debates and discussions. The discussions are respectful (99% of the time anyway, which is about the best that can be done on the internet :-P). I am sure someone with your story and knowledge-base would have a lot to contribute.

  9. zul said, on June 18, 2009 at 11:07 am

    i heard a lot of your wrong information on islam especialy on narrations and hadeeth which were created during the dominant of islamic rulers bias against the prophet and his progeny….. find the true islam for the time still available… give your self a second chance and pray to GOD out there…. TQ

  10. Susan said, on July 3, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Zul! you are basically saying islam is corrupted and therefore the countries are (obviously as we can see ) corrupted! by these so called islamic rulers who were against mo… I THOUGHT a core belief of muslims is that “allah” PROTECTS his word and his religion..why would allah allow it to be so distorted and hijacked right from the very beginning! with soo many “fake” hadith.. made into laws in all the various muslims countries… right from the beginning? so it seems that when mo died.. islam died! BECAUSE muslims are SOOOO HEAVILY DEPENDENT on HADITH from the way you pray, practice ramadan even LAWS which are NOT IN quran… all because quran says and “allah knows best” “listen to mo..whatever he says do it..whatever he says to leave..dont do it” that ONE verse RUINED LIVES BEYOND BELIEF! BEYOND REPAIR!! because after 100+ years later when they finally made a first quran.. it wasnt ENOUGH for the people for a “complete way of life” so then they scrambled to find thousands upon thousands of “hadith” which has people even in 2009 debating things such as cutting up little girls sexual parts based on hadith.. and breast feeding adult male co workers etc… 1,000’s of new fatwas are issued each MONTH which proves this religion was NEVER set in stone but always evolving due to hadiths.. and struggling to adapt to “culture” TRULY muslims made MO their GOD when his hadiths outweighed and even OUTLAW and ABROGATE some verses in quran. since one verse says “whatever mo says do it” and certainly allah wasnt able to PROTECT his words.. when people made up fake hadiths and followed them!!!

  11. abdul said, on July 5, 2009 at 12:43 am

    Whomsover he guides no one can misguide, whomsover he misguides no one can guide.

    Aboali, clearly you have issues with Islam. If true that you were bought up conditioned to believe in Islam then you only have your peers to blame for that. For truely there is no compulsion in religion. I feel sorry for the state of mind you claim to be in, in complete conflict with the values that were enforced upon you at a very young age. Your youtube videos leave much to be desired, having viewed some of them you seem to concentrate most of your critique towards Islam??? Even though its only the 2nd largest faith. It would seem you admire much of Islam, yet you are in conflict with it. Intresting physiological state of mind.

    Inshallah I will pray for you.

  12. abdul said, on July 5, 2009 at 12:47 am

    Message for Susan,

    Love your name!

    Have you collected your islamic studies certificate from al-azhar uni yet?

  13. Aamir said, on July 11, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    I am not lucky to have british mother and islamic / arab father . So dont be confused by my basic inarticulation and reductionist dyslexic random writng I also have problem in continuity of thaught . i tend to argue in telegraphic short sentences , May sound unconnected for listener to see coherence and easy flow of reasoning . While you have given very personal feeling about your life and Islam I ask you obviously are surounded by christian majority arguments belief ‘propaganda ‘

    Many ppl. leave religion for the reaon you give for leaving IslamI feel its norm to be non believer of asny sort Hindu / Christian /jew / Islam Hence its your generic disdain for stupidness of any religion .

    I am not promoting on behalf of any agenda .

    Do you have any other religion which can withstand prevailing synicism p/c/’science over illogical religion ?

    May be instead of directly in favour of christianity you exemplify it by DEFAULT ?

    Your articulation make yur logic very compelling but still confused why is it true here and not elsewhere or you have too much tome to brood and read too much in betwen lines or translate ideas even if arabic letters mean better to you than non arabic .

    The fault may not be IT but being with it ?

  14. Kaisa said, on July 31, 2009 at 11:31 am


    I’m working on my Master’s Thesis at the University of Helsinki and my thesis is about leaving Islam. In particular, I’m interested in how the social pressure affects the process of leaving Islam and what the actual consequences for apostates are in today’s world.

    As you can imagine, it is extremely difficult to find interviewees on this subject. I have interviewed some people in Finland, but I’d definitely like to hear from more. The testimonials on websites are also an important source, but they don’t always answer my particular questions. Therefore, I’m hoping I could e-mail you my questionnaire and you could take the time to answer them with as few or many sentences as you like.

    Best regards,

  15. Iftikhar said, on August 8, 2009 at 4:45 pm


    Western education makes a man stupid, according to a great British educationist Lord Bertend Russell. A Muslim child who attends state school with non-Muslim monolingual teachers, after leaving school, there are more chances of him becoming an athiest and calls hemself ex-Muslim. The reason is that he finds himself cut off from his cultural roots and is unable to enjoy the beauty of his literature and poetry.

    It is a crime agaunst humanity to send a Muslim child to non-Muslim monolingual teacher. A Muslim child needs a state funded Muslim school with bilingual Muslim teachers as a role models during his developmentaL periods. There is no place for a non-Muslim teacher or a child in a Muslim school.

    A Muslim is a citizen of this tiny global village. He/she does not want to become notoriously monolingual Brit. He/she needs to learn and be well versed in Standard English, Arabic, Urdu and other community languages. English is his economic language to follow the National Curriculum and go for higher studies and research to serve humanity. Arabic, Urdu and other community languages are his religious, social and emotional languages to keep in touch with his cultural roots and enjoy the beauty of his literature and poetry. After leaving Muslim school, there is no chance that he will become an athiest.

  16. 林りん said, on August 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    I read your story. I’m glad that people, through the internet, can admit things like this without fear of punishment or worse.

  17. Abdul-Quddus said, on September 26, 2009 at 9:07 am

    Hello, Abooali. Thanks for the comment and thank-you for making this blog. I’ve seen the wonderful video you’ve made about your life journey through Islaam. It’s well done and respectful. It’s comforting to learn that we are not alone in our experiences. It gives me great pleasure to see another blog by a fellow ex-Muslim. I made my blog to publicize my testimony and will leave it online indefinitely. However, I try not to identify myself as an ex-Muslim too much. I’ve been reading more on existentialism and philosophy these days. It surprises me how much we don’t need Islam. Even if one were a theist, the Islamic religion would not be necessary. You don’t need Muhammad or the Qur’an to pray or fast. However, I am a strong atheist and will gladly pass away as an atheist. Keep up the great work. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Salamz

  18. ****(wont say im ) said, on September 28, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    this is all haram bieng an ex-muslim why would you do this to muslims?
    instead of thanking allah that he gave you life you dont belive in him thats bs.
    clear your mind the devil is tricking you….think again say al hamdililah i am muslim. not turn into a ex-muslim may god forgive you remove this comment if you dont agree but i will see who will go to heaven

  19. Randum Lee Surched said, on October 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    [Quote]The problem is that one cannot choose to believe. Either one does or not and if there is a God, the last thing he would have wanted me to do was to pretend to believe in something that I didn’t. It was quite a relief when I finally admitted to myself that I no-longer believed in Islam.[Quote]
    That right there is exactly what I am going through….how is it my fault if I can’t believe in something I don’t see?
    My belief was hinging on the “scientific proofs” in the Quran, in which I recently find to not be very scientific proofy.
    I am 20 years old attending university and live at home with my family, which consists of super muslims to the extent that some of my family may quite easily considered extremist, and at one point of my life I myself may have easily been considered an extremist, but as I was one I never really noticed it and thought everybody else was wrong and going to hell.
    I spoke to a very knowledgeable friend of mine about my concerns and doubts in Islam and after asking him what is the proof that God exists? He replied just look at everything around you, that is the proof, could all of this have come from nothing? For me I don’t really find that anywhere near a proof of God’s existence, but I went ahead and tried it and continue to try it everyday but I still can’t find myself coming to the conclusion that God exists based on that everything around me couldn’t have come from nothing.

    Thank you for your blog AbooAli because this I feel the same exact way you were once feeling, but I have some questions for you.
    Right now I feel like I was happier when I believed in Islam, possibly because all of my friends and family are muslim and Islam is contained in many of what they talk about, or it may be because I am “trying to hold on to the rope of Allah”….Are you happier now or when you were muslim in all honesty?

    Of the many things I find troubling with Islam it is definitely that one can not choose to believe in something with no proof, that I find the most challenging….when I was a “good muslim” I found it very hard how people could find trouble believing with Islam but now that I am pretty much on the other side I find that its not someone’s fault you either believe or don’t believe you can’t force yourself to believe in something you don’t see.

  20. abooali said, on October 30, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Hi Randum Lee Surched – am I happier now? In some ways yes and in some ways no. I am happier within myself as I feel I am now more honest and true to myself. I feel more confident within and also a new sense of wonder at the mystery of life.

    But in other ways I am not happier. For example losing the comfort and security and sense of meaning and purpose that religion provides is hard to bear at times.

    I am certainly not here to tell you or anyone that leaving Islam is easy and life will be happiness if you do.


    I am only here to share my story and perhaps advise others that I believe we should all follow our conscience.

    There is certainly no need for you to upset your family and friends by waving this in their face – nor that you have to leave the comfort of those you love.

    At the same time those who love you should respect your freedom to follow your own conscience.

    I wish you all the best on your journey

    Hassan 🙂

  21. Razi said, on November 23, 2009 at 8:16 pm


    I was friends with your son, I last saw him on my 18th birthday. But we lost contact. But this is irrelevant.

    A while ago, during some debate with a fried about some controversy because a woman wanted to be a catholic priest, I came to the conclusion that with prophetic religions (it being a divine revelation and perfect), that should one claim to subscribe to that religion to the level of a priest that to then claim that the one part that they do no agree with is a ridiculous act. You cannot believe something is perfect and question it at the same time. If you claim it is flawed then how can it be divine. I extended this to gay Muslims and other comparable people that advocated religion change for their contradictions.

    It wasn’t long before this extended it to myself. Even the normal believer should not accept a contradiction. As I delved more into my university studies, as an engineering student I naturally increased my reliance on empirical evidence and logic when formulating opinions. My inability reason and agree with numerous Islamic teaching many of which have cropped up in your videos and blog along with my opinion of how there cannot be a compromise in a divine revelation unsurprisingly shook my faith.

    For the past few years I always think I am a few months away from becoming an apostate though something holds me back. Your blogs have been very helpful, although it would be silly of me to use them as my final reason, that has to come from self-realisation. It is good to know that my frustrations with the majority of Muslim views and habits were not isolated.

    On the issue of morality, even if I were to leave Islam I do think I would still keep a few practices, such as not drinking but purely because my reasons have shifted. Though I would like to hear your view on remnant behaviour or any practices that started off as religious but you carry on today for other reasons


  22. Hassan said, on November 23, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Salams Razi,

    Good to hear from you I hope you are well. As far as morality, good behaviour, and such like you have nothing to fear as I know you are a good person and will always have a good character and standards. One hadith I always like was “Khairukum fil Jahiliyya, Khairukum fil Islam” – “The best of you (in character) before Islam are the best after Islam (also)” In other words we don’t fundamentally change. This applies in reverse too lol. I believe our morality comes from within – whether evolved or inspired – I don’t know. But moral behaviour is surprisingly universal and it is well known what is bad for you and what the consequences are. Again another hadith lol I loved is ” Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt” – these are natural wisdoms that hold their truth even if they were not inspired by a God.

    Best wishes and good luck 🙂

  23. abdur rehman said, on November 27, 2009 at 4:33 am

    Day by day my faith in Islam is becomming harder and harder.all you guys wrote in different blogs or on youtube is predicted and already mentioned in Holy Quran and Hadiths
    i have two things to say and you ex muslim should decide if i m wrong.

    Sahih Al-Bukhari HadithHadith 4.549 Narrated byAbdullah
    Prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) said
    ……So a man may do deeds characteristic of the people of the (Hell) Fire, so much so that there is only the distance of a cubit between him and it, and then he starts doing deeds characteristic of the people of Paradise and enters Paradise. Similarly, a person may do deeds characteristic of the people of Paradise, so much so that there is only the distance of a cubit between him and it, and he starts doing deeds of the people of the (Hell) Fire and enters the (Hell) Fire.”

    now why you have leave the right path or Islam.
    there come my experience and faith.

    you have committed or committing some evil doings regularly which has made you closer to satan

    When the suffering reached them from Us why then did they not learn humility? On the contrary their hearts became hardened and Satan made their (sinful) acts seem alluring to them(Holy Quran 6:43)

    If a suggestion from satan assail thy (mind) seek refuge with Allah; for He heareth and knoweth (all things).
    Those who fear Allah when a thought of evil from satan assaults them bring Allah to remembrance when lo! they see (aright)
    But their brethren (the evil ones) plunge them deeper into error and never relax (their efforts).(Holy Quran 7:200-202)

    theIslam is prevailing and will prevail but you r such stupid people who finally become prey to your foe,the satn.
    ALLAH may give you the right path

  24. abuyunus2 said, on December 23, 2009 at 12:09 am

    Dear Hassan,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I found it touching although I disagreed with a great number of points. I felt it was generally important to discuss these in more detail and so I set up my own blog on wordpress. The title of the blog is ‘A reponse to Abooali’ and can be found here:


    I hope you and others who may be interested can take the time to read it.

    Best wishes

  25. abooali said, on December 23, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    Salams Abu Yunus,

    I read your blog with great interest and admire your intelligent and thoughtful responses. In fact I agree with many things you say, though I respectfully disagree with other things.

    I sincerely hope you will continue adding to your blog as I would be interested to read more of your thoughts on Islam and life in general.

    Peace & Best wishes,


    (ps – one small request though – please can you remove my surname as I have learnt that I need to be a little more circumspect.)

  26. Orson said, on January 7, 2010 at 6:21 am

    Your words leave me with the profound belief that there truly is hope for all of mankind.
    There is no more difficult quest than searching for the meaning of life. After many years I’m still searching, but my search, while discouraging at times, has been worth it.
    Peace and happiness to you and yours for all time.

    Orson from IH

  27. Hassan said, on January 7, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Hi Orson! Great to hear from you my friend. I hope you and all my friends over at IH are well.

  28. abo omar said, on January 10, 2010 at 7:49 am

    hallo abo ali
    I am an infidel from afghanistan
    you have had a wonderfull journey
    I can tell nearly the same story
    I find in you my soul mate
    and great respect to you bcs of yr active ingagement
    to sensibilise others
    but would be very interested to know
    what do you mean by
    agnostic in yr case

  29. Hassan said, on January 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I personally would rather not label myself, but human beings seem to insist on labels, so I call myself Agnostic precisely because of it’s ambiguity and I like it’s basic meaning of: “I don’t Know.”

    I don’t know if there is a god, cosmic power, natural force or law which runs through the universe and which gives our life a meaning or purpose. I would like to believe there is and I do sometimes feel there is. But ultimately I don’t know – and wanting there to be some purpose and meaning does not mean there is.

    I believe such a thing is basically unknowable – at least in this world.

    What I am far more certain of though is that the religions we have are the words of men and not the words of a God. What makes these religions worse is that they are not just the words of men, but the words of men from a period in human evolution that we should have long moved beyond.

    Best wishes,


  30. Maggie said, on February 1, 2010 at 2:11 am

    After reading your story, I do feel upset for you. I have seen so many converts to Islam in this past week, and it made me so glad and happy, but seeing people who leave Islam, after being Muslim makes me really sad.

    Islam is a very beautifu thing. It has many scientific miracles, and each time I read the Quran, or listen to it, I feel peace within myself.

    Last but not least, Allah, (God), is full of mercy, and love, and hopefully he will guide you back to Islam.

    I dont know how you could of left Islam, and now don’t think about the afterlife.

    May God be with you.

  31. Hasan said, on February 4, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    wow!!..the devil really took control of you…

    May non of us here end up like you

    May Allah keep us on the straight path and not make us end up living a lie like Abooali is

  32. JJkindo said, on February 4, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Man i feel really sorry for you…May Allah put you back on the straight path

  33. Munib said, on February 4, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    oh my goodness your stupid to go away from islam while many non muslims are joining it I also feel sorry for you

    La ilaha ila Allah Muhamad rasulullah

  34. Sindibad said, on February 6, 2010 at 3:25 am

    ur an epic fail

  35. Orson said, on February 6, 2010 at 5:18 am

    Be of good cheer, Hassan!


  36. Adam said, on February 11, 2010 at 2:28 am

    Hi Hassan,

    I’ve saw your request in the arab atheists network forum about translating the contents of this blog to arabia, unfortunately I’m don’t have an account and wasn’t able to contact you there, I’m willing to help you in translating it, drop me a line if that’s ok with you.

  37. abooali said, on February 11, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Hi Adam,

    I would be most grateful if you could help me. It would take me a long time and effort if I was to do it myself and I simply don’t have the time.

    If you could help me and I could look over it each part – that would be brilliant.


    If you like you can join the Council of Ex-Muslims forum and I can pm you my private email address.

  38. Adam said, on February 13, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Hi Hassan,

    Im a muslim on the inside. I dont think i should really help you. I am sorry

  39. abooali said, on February 13, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    No problem, Adam – best wishes 🙂

  40. Adam said, on February 15, 2010 at 6:14 am


    This fake Adam is really a silly person, This is NOT me, and with some attention to the details you can find that my writing style is very different from him.

    I didn’t respond again to you since my last response as I was a little busy in the last few days.

    I’m an agnostic by the way, and would really be happy to help you in translating those pages, I’ve registered in CEMB forum with the name Adam, you can PM your private email.

    And you can check whether a person is the same one commenting on this blog posts using your wordpress.com control panel, I’m using this email (adam.gods.son@gmail.com) in my comments always.

    Hopes to hear from you soon 🙂

  41. abooali said, on February 15, 2010 at 11:38 am

    OK, thanks Adam – I will PM you at CEMB 🙂

  42. nana said, on March 18, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    This is your cousin nana , I lost contact with all of you after the death of your dad . Please contact me asap.

  43. nana said, on March 18, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Oh this is me again, my email is n.salsabeel.gmail.com . I will be waiting for you to email me as I miss all of you so much. I live in Vancouver, Canada and it will be really good if you guys come and visit me here. I have mixed feelings finding you by chance through this blog. I will not comment on your words here, hopefully I can do that in person:)
    I do not know if you actually remember who I am or not, but I am the daughter of your aunt Ola, the daughter of the man who gave you the Quran to read 30 years ago 🙂

  44. Hassan said, on March 18, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Nihal? Of course I remember you! It is great to hear from you 🙂

    I hope you are keeping well – how is your husband? Do you have any children? Sorry it’s been such a long time and I have not been in contact much with relatives in Egypt.

    Best wishes,

    Hassan 🙂

  45. nana said, on March 18, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    yessssssss Nihal ya Hassan :)please email me with your email address so I can tell you what is going on with my life. I dont want to bore your readers here with my life details 😉 you dont know how much I am happy to find a link to contact you.

  46. Hassan said, on March 19, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    I just sent you an email 🙂

  47. blueish said, on March 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm


  48. Iftikhar said, on March 22, 2010 at 9:50 pm


    A man is a product of his culture, language and faith. Bilingual mUslim children need state funded Muslim schools with bilingual Muslim teachers as role models during their developmental periods. There is no place for a non-Muslim child or a teacher in a Muslim school.

    All ex-Muslim youths are the product of British education sysytem with monolingual non-Muslim teachers. During their childhood, they were sent to Masajid where they learnt how recite the Holy Quran withoput understanding and basic Islamic teaching. Since they have been cut off from their culture and languasges, therefore, when they grow up in a secular society, they were not ready to face the social and economic challenges. It is easy for them to become athiest or non-believers.

    In my opinion, all Muslim children from the age of three should be in Muslim schools with Muslim teachers, otherwise, they will grow up to become non-believers or suffer from Identity Crises.

  49. iblis said, on March 23, 2010 at 8:41 pm


    did u heer dat Mo wunce fiddled a 9 y3ar owld gurl??? waaw man, dats sick! how can u wurship him? dats wrong br0, just wrooooooonggg. sdgagadfgs

  50. zulfiqar said, on March 31, 2010 at 11:33 am

    ur blog took me too in thoughtfull land your belief, faith , information , knowledge, logic wisdom somewhere ur link is missing may be the fault was with your mother being 48 and doubtful may Allah (swt) guide you may you find peace and happiness.

  51. saeed said, on April 24, 2010 at 2:51 am

    if you are fluent in arabic and you are …
    saying the quran is from man not true … you know as i know no man can
    write such verses …your soul knows that ….

    i am asking you to cry and weep for allah to forgive you …i would …

    and remember allah does not need you or me , we need him
    good luck …i hope you will get it before its too late.

  52. abooali said, on April 24, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    No, on the contrary, the Qur’an is the word of a man – not a god.

    And you say I should cry and repent before it’s too late?

    Too late for what?

    Before I die and the Merciful One will burn me eternally in Hell?

    Is fear a good reason to repent?

    And is that the ultimate purpose of an almighty and sublime God – that we should fall down crying and trembling to him out of fear of his threats of eternal torture.

    If such a monster existed (which he of course doesn’t) then he deserves nothing but contempt!

  53. Almost-a-Muslim-until4:34 said, on April 27, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Hi, Hassan.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I read it it one breath.

    Why did you close your YouTube account, you had some great videos there?

    Peace be with you (and with all of us). Cheers.

  54. Kod said, on April 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    Hi Hassan
    Didn’t know that you had this story up
    Thanks for sharing it, pretty good story man

  55. lala said, on May 4, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    May God give you guidance and forgive you for he is the most compassionate and most merciful. We don’t know where we come from and we don’t know where we are going but we know one thing for sure : We exist , we have a beginning and an end and we are on this earth with every thing we need to survive and defeat sickness but not death. Did we provide for our selves or it was provided for us?. Why are we here then? why does every thing in the universe works beautifully in perfect harmony? think about it, everything suggests the existence of God and God put us on this earth to worship him Open you heart and look around you and feel God’s existence in order for you to get your faith back. Islam is the truth. We live in the last days where a person is a Muslim in the morning and becomes a disbeliever at night and it is because of all the bad media and propaganda in the news and all the attacks on Islam. Muslims too bear a big responsibility for the state of the Umma because of their ignorance of the essence and the beauty of the teachings of Islam. Most Muslims lost their identity and now some of them are loosing their faith.
    May God keep us all on the straight path and give us the best of this world and the next.


  56. Aziz said, on July 9, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Hi Adam,

    I was browsing around on the comments section of this blog. You said you’d like to translate this book. Are you still interested in doing it?

    I’m the guy who’s been translating his book into German (4 chapters done already.) I also have the whole book of Hassan as a plain text file (in the LaTeX format). See: http://github.com/alsanaaziz/salam/tree/master/books/

    Please take a look at this thread and comment on it if you want to begin a translation.

  57. Eliphaz said, on December 27, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Great story Abooali, you give hope to all of us ex-Muslims!

  58. Anonymous said, on December 30, 2010 at 5:26 am

    Great story Abooali, you give hope to all of us ex-Muslims!

    To expand on the thought – you give hope to all of mankind.
    Hoping you are well. Peace unto all men,

  59. Amalie said, on January 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    @Lala : lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaa
    thats how int

  60. Perseveranze said, on January 25, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Click to access the-reason-for-apostacy.pdf

    Your story reminds me of a typical apostates.

    Oh well, to each their own, your free to interpret and believe w/e you want.

  61. CitX said, on August 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    *The problem is that one cannot choose to believe. Either one does or not and if there is a God, the last thing he would have wanted me to do was to pretend to believe in something that I didn’t. It was quite a relief when I finally admitted to myself that I no-longer believed in Islam.*

    I just saw your video at FB, which brought me to your blog, this quote above almost seems like my own thoughts quoted back at me. I was born into a family that was half Muslim, i was never that interested in pursuing Islam and rankly was not taught a great deal about it. Deep down I had never believed in it , nor to be fair the second religion of my family, in short I must have been born an atheist, but was never brave enough to claim it as my view point, seeing as my formative years were lived in a Muslim country. Even later when I lived non Muslim countries, fear of severing all ties with my own cultural background kept me silent. To my credit, I have never pretended to be devout or indeed a believer, instead I was happy to let people assume I was a non practising Muslim, that left the door open for the benefit of those who believed me a lapsed Muslim I would at some point see the light and become a good Muslim. But I cant. I never could and I never will, and though I am not as brave as i should be and make it public, I now know, my only tie to Islam was to have a Muslim parent whom I loved and wanted to have a continuous sense of belonging, but not an affinity to their faith . I am so happy to have watched your video and to have read your blog. I admire your courage and openness. Unlike you though, I have no fear or guilt about leaving Islam, as I feel deep down I never was a Muslim, perhaps deep down all I ever was, was an unbeliever of religion in general and Islam in particular.Thank you

  62. xamthone plus said, on September 6, 2011 at 6:16 am

    his thanks for the info ……..

  63. asian113 said, on September 8, 2011 at 5:16 am

    ****(wont say im ) said, on September 28, 2009 at 2:14 pm
    this is all haram bieng an ex-muslim why would you do this to muslims? remove this comment if you dont agree but i will see who will go to heaven

    He is doing this for himself and it has noting to do with any muslims. I am afraid he might not even see you in heaven when the days comes. What makes muslims so sure that they will go to heaven?

  64. asian113 said, on September 8, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Randum Lee Surched said, on October 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    One does not need to be in any religions to believe in God. I believe that the bible is the word of God but that does not necessary make me a christian. Jesus said: Blessed are they who did not see and yet believed”.” Of course not everyone will accept what Jesus said. The God of the bible does not force anyone to accept Him but of course He did warn of the consequences of rejecting Him. That my friend, is the choice that God has given us. It’s just like when we are young when our parents warm us not to do this or to do that but we do not listen. When something bad happens, we have to face the consequences instead of blaming our parents.
    What did Muhammad said to those who do not accept and believe in his teaching????. I definitely do not want to have this type of parents.

  65. Zodiac said, on July 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    thankyou for the blog. i recently renounced islam, after going through a journey of rational thought. I hope I will learn a lot from you.

  66. garcinia xanthochymus seeds said, on April 24, 2013 at 5:39 am

    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and
    now each time a comment is added I get three emails with
    the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?

  67. Muslim said, on May 26, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Peace Abooali,

    Can you please email me so I can contact you?

  68. Fatima said, on October 31, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Hi Abooali, please can you email me on the following email address? I am researching faith schools and Muslim schools in particular and I think you’re insights on the subject are fascinating. Any other CEMB members/ others wishing to talk to me on their experience of faith schools please email fatimachoudhury01@gmail.com

  69. Per Christian Frankplads said, on November 6, 2013 at 1:00 am

    Thanks for writing a very insightful book, I have already recommended your site and the PDF to various people.

    Would it be possible to create a Kindle MOBI and/or EPUB edition so people can read it on their tablets or e-readers?

    With a snappy title and the book being free, I’m sure that you could also get quite a few readers if you published it on Amazon and other outlets.

    Thank you and keep up the good work!

  70. Anonymous said, on November 7, 2013 at 2:15 am

    Ugly munafiq sufi! Glad your out of our blessed ummah. Well we don’t need sellouts like you we wanna promote themselves and not Islam. Your the loser and not Islam. You need Islam and Islam doesn’t need you. Either you go seek cure for your nifaaq disease or know the score on judgment day.

  71. Noble said, on January 23, 2014 at 12:06 am

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    Thanks ,Mellisa

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  78. Sincerely said, on February 26, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Are you still around? I’m so sorry that I’m late to the scene. There is no one around me who shares such thoughts. I would have loved to continue reading more from you, watching more videos from you, perhaps even being able to one day interact with you personally. Thank you for writing and sharing your story, Hassan. I regret that you deleted your videos from YouTube and that there are no more posts to read. I hope all is well with you! Stay strong and live well.

  79. abooali said, on February 26, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Hi Sincerely,

    Thank you for your kind words. I deleted the videos that show my face only because I unfortunately got a few threats and so thought it prudent to remove videos that showed my face. However many of my other videos are certainly still available online. Most of them are to be found on the CEMBadmins channel. (This is not my channel, but the Youtube channel of the online forum CEMB.)

    Here’s a direct link


    Thanks again,

    Best wishes,


  80. Saj said, on October 1, 2015 at 8:02 am

    Dear Abooali,

    I wish to know about what facts made you believe that there is no God. Sometimes i used to wonder whether God exists. But some simple thoughts make me strongly believe that there is God. Just think about the computer, phones or any other things which we humans make. Even the simplest thing which we make requires our brain and planning. If we put all the tools and materials required to make a computer together and provide sufficient atmospheric or environmental conditions , a computer won’t just evolve or be created by itself. Then how did such complicated, but perfect living things evolve themselves without any planner or creator?

    Science is all the knowledge which we have acquired, we can explain what happens inside a cell, we know how our internal organs function, we know how to explain all the phenomenon occurring in nature. But we don’t know how all these happens so perfectly just like a miracle without some supernatural power acting on it.

    Atheists usually ask ‘ If there is a God, where is he? We are not able to see any God’. We human beings have lots of limitations. Our capability to hear, see, think, and our every other capabilities have limitations. Believers believe that God created the entire universe. The size of the universe is much larger than we could imagine. The porsion of universe which we could ever see using all our technology is very small compared to the actual size of universe. If the God created the universe, obviously He is not a part of the universe. He should be outside the universe and much bigger compared to universe. So does the question ‘ where is God ‘ make any sense?

  81. abooali said, on October 1, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    Hi Saj. I do believe in God. Though I don’t believe one can either prove nor disprove God exists. Read the last part of my story on the links on the right (or below if you’re on a mobile)

  82. Saj said, on October 6, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Dear Hassan,

    I am happy to know that you believe in God and that you are not an atheist.

    I just read your ‘ My ordeal with the Quran and the Allah’. I wish to ask a few doubt’s. I am not an islamic scholar. I know that you have more knowledge than me and you might feel my doubt’s to be silly. But since I am a strong believer of Islam I need to clear these doubt’s:-

    1. Quran itself claims that it is impossible for humans and jinn to create something similar to it. You say that every master piece is likewise. Every master piece has its authors signature in it and no one else can recreate its beauty and you have quoted a few examples too.

    Your argument against Quran is true when we view it just as a philosophical work. But when we view Quran as a complete guide for human beings ( which describes how to live, which contains laws which are hundred percent practical, at the same time it is linguistically beautiful with rhyming verses and contains no mistakes), It is unique. Can you find any other guide for human beings which contains practical laws which describes what we should do and how we should behave during every circumstance of our life from birth till death?

    2. You say that most of the verses in Quran lack continuity and you have quoted a lot of examples. I felt very sad that you haven’t even read the thafsir of those ayaths which you have quoted. If we take out a few sentences from between a chapter and read it, we won’t understand the connection between those sentences. To understand a chapter in Quran we need to understand the context in which it was revealed, we also need to know how prophet Muhammad (saw) understood it or explained it. So by just reading the english translation of Quran we need not understand the connection. We need to read the thafsir which contains the explanation. I didnt feel any discontinuity in any of the verses which you have quoted after reading the thafsir of those chapters. A simple example: Verses 2 to 4 of sura Al Nisa which says about orphans. Allah first says about how we should deal with the property of orphans and then in the next verse he says about marriying orphan girls. I recommend you to read thafsir of ibn khathir.

    3. You say that Quran contains a lot of ambiguity and you have quoted some verses in the beginning of some surahs. Those verses are just letters , the meaning of which is unknown to us. My doubt is that how can the unknown be ambiguous. We can call it ambiguous if there are more than one interpretations for it. But for the verses which you have quoted, there is only one interpretation. And the interpretation is that the meaning if those verses is concealed by Allah and Allah knows what we doesn’t know.

    Next you have quoted some verses and you say that there is ambiguity in those verses. I felt like you are just creating ambiguity in verses that are crystal clear.

    The verse that says I called Musa from the right side of the mountain. If you are standing near a tree and somebody calls you from the side of the tree, it just means right side relative to your position. Similarly in the ayath it means right side relative the position of prophet musa alaihissalam since no one else appears in the context. The meaning is very clear.

    The next ayath which you mentioned , ayahs about the number of people in the cave. Those Ayahs contains answer to all of the questions which you have asked about ambiguity. Allah says that their number might be 3 or 4 or anything. We shouldn’t argue about facts which are unknown to us, i.e. the facts which are known to Allah alone. Instead we should learn the message which Allah thought us through the story about the people of caves.

    All those remaining ayahs are unambiguous if you interpret it the way prophet SAW interpreted it.

    Everything which u have mentioned about Quran arises because you are interpreting the Quran in your own way to fit your arguments.

    May Allah guide us to the right path.

    With regards,
    Sajni Mariyam

  83. abooali said, on October 6, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Thanks for leaving a comment, Saj and I hear what you are saying. I must however respectfully disagree that “Quran is a complete guide for human beings which contains laws which are hundred percent practical, at the same time it is linguistically beautiful with rhyming verses and contains no mistakes” But I respect your view. Best wishes.

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